Favorite one liners as told by gearheads

Measure with a micrometer, mark with chalk, cut with an axe...

 

Too many dumb questions from the same mouth?

A local drag racer's response,

"Quit breathing the air I need to stuff down my carburetor."

 

When in doubt, Gas it.

After returning from a spin around the block in a 56 Ford 3/4 ton pick up with a Y block and a stick,
the owner said he could hear me "scrolling rubber".

I spent most of my money on hot rods, women and booze. The rest I wasted.

 

This was the 70's mind you. 6 cylinders were out of style. My buddy had a straight 6 that he would always get ragged on for running.

One day he pulls up and had installed a Thrush muffler on it. He was pretty proud of it and gets out and says "how does it sound now".

Another buddy says "Like a 6 cylinder with a Thrush muffler".

 

Always remember your A,B, C's...........Always Be Cool.

 

Refering to buxom ladies; more cushion for the pushin.

 

Get in and sit down, shut up and hold on!

 

that's about as smart as foreskin in a zipper.....

 

Wheel gap is like a vagina. The more fingers you get in, the worse it is...

 

If it don't gaw (go), chrome it!

 

There is no "I" in teamwork but there are 3 "U's" in Shut the Fu*k up.

 

There was a post by the originator of this thread about quotes that could actually be acredited to someone, I don't have his real name ... we called him "Crackhead Marty" and here is the quote ..."that f***er could weld glass to concrete"

 

From my late grandfather and Modifed racer who ran a repair business at his house and was a Fire Fighter ... "You want it fixed, or repaired ???"

And this one is a H.A.M.B.ers signature ..

There is more than one way to skin a cat, most of them will make you puke !!!

 

My drinking team has a severe drag racing problem!

 

My 4 wheel drum brakes were getting so bad, I had to install a train horn!

 

one from my old man, when fixing the car

I dont have to fix it properly, it only has to outlast me, then its your problem....

Yeah thanks dad

 

There is a certain prestige to having a good looking mill - my mentor, Clyde North

 

Old body shop saying: Lacquer and liquor don't mix.

 

Old body shop saying: Whiskey blisters.

 

"If you're dating a hotrodder, raise your hand.

If not, raise your standards!"

 

the car makes the name the name doesn't make the car !!! >>>>.

 

Heard at a swap meet...2 guys walking back to their cars........
"Dude...all it'd take would be some elbow grease and a litttle time." refering to a totally clapped-out 56 chevy.

 

Bua hahahahahahaha..thats' great!

 

I'm sure someone has said Fix Or Repair Daily...

because actually Ford and Chevy cylinder firing orders are the same....

 

For example
Which one is the same as chevy ?
302 standard or the 302 ho
And would that be the 351c or 351 w
And where's #1 ?

I can't remember all the stuff but I can remember that
F O R D means I'll need to look it up.

 

one winter back in the early 90's, I was riding with 333 Half Evil when we came upon a car slid off the road into the ditch. It was about 11:00 at night, the woman driving the car you could tell had been drinking and seemed nervous or scared about two strangers walking up to her car when Al pipes up and say's:
"it's alright, you're the second pregnant lady we've pulled out tonight"
the woman replied "I'm not pregnant"
to which Al said" you're not outta the ditch yet either!"
The woman started to cry!!! Al felt bad and tried to explain to her he was just jokin....it was funny, but the woman didn't think so.

 

While sitting in the door of a Blackhawk helicopter on a Medivac, we came in over the target and were taking some fire. I said over the intercom,
'There shooting at us!'(More yelled)
The Aircraft Commander replied with,
'No they are shooting at you now get the fuck out!'

Doc.

 

I wouldn't have said this if the guy was nice about it, but, he was being snotty. This was about my Model A engine that was rebuilt 30 years ago.
Guy: "You know your engine is leaking some oil."
Me: "Well, let's see what you're leaking when you're 82."

 

The difference between a hot rodder and a street rodder.

The street rodder washes his hands after he pees.
The hot rodder washes his hands before he pees.

 

Ford=First on race day.
Good luck.Have fun.Be safe.
Leo