United States Postal Service Dripping Springs, TX - Washington D.C. To Whom It May Concern, If, at any time between the date of this email and August 18 of this year, I am apprehended, arrested, detained, or held on charges of an extreme nature, this letter will explain my actions. Over the past few years, I've given my life and taken a few others in an effort to solve many of this country's deepest mysteries. Including, but not limited to: - The Roswell Incident - The Assassination of John F. Kennedy - The Black Dahlia - The Zodiac - The Whereabouts of Jimmy Hoffa - The Lindburgh Kid - The Origin of Alger Hiss I recorded these findings in a book disguised as some sort of a low rent bible full of hooliganism and disorderliness and then shipped these books to the 500 most important people in the country last week using PRIORITY MAIL. My post master was adamant in his confidence that his flat-rate envelopes were the best and safest way to distribute this information. I felt inclined to believe him, because... well, my post master seems more than competent and who in their right mind would steer a man like me in the wrong direction? A few days after the books went out, I was horrified to receive a number of images featuring mutilated PRIORITY envelopes - some even sans the book that I've given my life too. My post master is now sitting in my office closet. His limbs are tied together with white USB cables that I liberated from a Chinese shipping vessel just a few months back. No one can hear his screams - least of all you. But his future is now in your hands. I've burned all of the remaining PRIORITY envelopes that USPS provided me and have bought a great number of American made "Stay Flat" mailers. From this point forward, the most important book in the world will be shipped using these crafty little devices. If you want to save your mail man, you will address these envelopes wearing white cotton gloves and keep them as far away as possible from those savage soul sucking sorting machines of yours. A failure to do so will almost certainly result in the loss of a fine mail man and my own freedom. We live in a world that simply couldn't cope with me behind bars. I know that. You know that. And while my post master might question it, he doesn't count at the moment. Your move. Sincerely, Ryan H. Cochran P.S. A copy of the above described book can be bought here. I trust that you will deliver it to yourself in perfect condition.
HA!!! Well, I tried to reply to a previous posting re: the condition of the new book and the Priority envelopes, but it never did show up. I just figured Big Brother took control of my PC again as he/they have in the past. Sooooo, let's try again. After reading all the horror stories about the condition of the packages in the initial shipping I was prepared to see mine arrive duly mutilated. You see, coming from Texas, our mail travels through the St. Louis center which (confirmed by local postal employees) may be the worst in the nation for lost/damaged parcels. I checked the mail for a couple of days after reading of others receiving their books. No luck. So on Thursday I come home, park the truck in the yard and walk to the mailbox. Nothing. Damn! I turn and head up the walk to the back porch and there's a package by the back door: return address, Dripping Springs, TX. Yippee, it looks to be in good shape. I tear it open to find the book in its Priority envelope, safely wrapped in the Subdued t-shirt I ordered at the same time. Both had arrived unscathed. This time I beat the odds. Thanks for the extra packaging Boss! (Maybe we'll meet up when we're both abducted. In my case, …… it's just a matter of time. )
That's really funny.....and just for that I'm gonna order a second one because my son handles my books like the USPS mail men.
Although mine arrived in excellent condition, I can only imagine the shock of getting a shredded copy after all of the anticipation! Kudos to Ryan for taking quick & appropriate action. Too bad most regular businesses can't provide that kind of attention.
Mine showed up with the envelope wide open the journal had some crap on it. I wasnt going to complain about it. I do know how it is and how things go. USPS is top of the list not to use 2nd is FEDX. It's all a crap shoot. I did wonder if my mail man opened it though. haha
Mine arrived unscathed in a plain brown envelope. The first quick scan looks great. I'm anxious to get time to read it.
Hahaha! I've been curious about all those mysteries. It's only fitting you'd hide them in something that'll distract me from ever finding out.
brilliant. Fingers crossed it comes today, so I have something to read on the 4th while my wife rests. Our boy is due any day now! edit: Dear Sean Reddy , All of the items from order #12494 have now been shipped: HOT DAMN!!! Thanks Ryan!
All the secrets are there. I accidentally discovered them. Read page 47, backlit by candlelight, through a mirror. Do this in a dark basement with the doors locked. Knowledge is power.
LOL... Mine arrived intact, but it's not that far from south Austin to north Austin so whaddaya expect??
i havent got mine yet. hopeing for some good patina, or shinny new. whatever i wont be picky. ohh i just got my shipping confirmation. its on the way
I am in canada, so I probably won't see mine for another few weeks. I will remain optimistic on the recieved condition. I am sure the members of the HAMB will possie up and break you out of jail, or at least go your bail. Thanks again Ryan for all your efforts!
Mine showed up all ripped apart and chewed up...but like all other publications I own it is only a matter of time before it would looked like that anyways
That's some funny shit. Just got the tracking info on mine. Thanks!! Since your in the know. Was there a second shooter on the grassy knoll? Todd
So here I was reading this thread and getting all worked up that maybe the USPS had lost mine. I hate to say it but I was less worried about the money spent than I was losing the first edition Alliance Members only copy. I could just see some creepy mail dude hiding in his basement pouring over my ripped up copy. I imagined he was smoking a fat stogie, drinking wild turkey and maniacally laughing at my misfortune, while working out how to chop and channel his mail truck. Unbeknownst to me my shipping confirmation was waiting in my inbox telling me not to worry, it had shipped on Monday. Now I can only hope that my nightmare does not come true. Thanks Ryan!
I'm one of the lucky ones mine came with only one little bent corner. It must have been in the middle of the bundle headed to the pnw.
I think you were to soft there Ryan. Maybe drop him off in far west Texas with a sign that says "I love the Dixie Chicks" or "boycott beef". Leave him tied up in a Prius. That will teach them to mess with the HAMB masses!
The Jalopy Journal
