Rules to live by when workin on your Rod

1) When welding...always wear sandals!
2) When painting...always use a cigarette as your paint mask!
3) When using a chisel...always get a buddy to hold the chisel!
4) When jacking up a car...always use the oil pan!
5) When a bigger hammer won't do..always get a jack hammer!
6) When you measure twice and it still don't fit...always get a jack hammer!
7) When cutting with a hacksaw...aways throw it away and get a friggin' saws-all!
8) When it just does not look right...always GET ANOTHER BEER!
9) ______________________________

Your turn! Fill in the blank!

 

you forgot
Always spread your weight evenly on both feet so as not to spill your beer whilst grinding one handed.

 

If it's too short, just trim a little more off. Torque fasteners until they loosen slightly, then back off 1/8 turn. When gas welding or cutting, just squint real hard so your eyes are barely open. You'll do fine. When tacking w/ TIG or MIG, just close your eyes for a second while making the tack. You'll do fine. Remember, welding hoods are for pussies! When in stopped on a shakedown run, refer to the officer as 'badge boy'... they really like that kind of familiarity. Unless she's a female; then 'bitch' is the proper term. -bill

 

never wear eye protection while grinding it makes the sparks bounce back into your beer.

 

When using the drill do not clamp your metal so when the bit sticks you get a cool propeller effect

 

Always tack weld without a helmet, you get a nice tan that way!

 

when using your credit card to buy additional parts, always pay just the minimum balance. You'll owe more quicker.

regards

ken

 

if it dont fit, force it, if it breaks, then i was a piece of shit anyway.

 

Always give a tight bolt another half turn.

 

If your not sure it's hot, touch it.

 

always where shorts and no shirt when welding and grinding
always weld above you so the slag drops on your chest
A Phillips screw driver will work on a torques
and don't forget to use JB Weld or Duct tape

 

If you step in something in the yard, DO NOT scrap it off. It may be valuable. The only way to tell is to taste it.

 

Never, let me repeat, never clamp any sharp or heavy objects down while drilling, always use your bare hand's so you don't scuff your part up, this works better when using a drill press where part is about chest level, especially while using a 1/2" or larger bit, it helps if you've been drinkin heavily,and wearin no safety glasses, sandals and loose fitting clothes help also. I didn't go to them safety meeting's all those years for nothin.

 

Anyone who knew JT Carpenter of Waco who was a central Texas dirt track Icon in the 50's 60's and 70's May have seen him cut or weld something and as often as not grab the hot end of what he had just worked on.

I'd add,

Don't need no jack stands, this here floor jack only leaks down in about an hour and I'm only going to be under the car for 5 minutes.


The bad part is that I can relate almost all of the above posts to someone I know.

 

Doin' the hot metal dance! Shakin' your hand and jumpin around the shop!

 

Anyone who knew JT Carpenter of Waco who was a central Texas dirt track Icon in the 50's 60's and 70's May have seen him cut or weld something and as often as not grab the hot end of what he had just worked on.
Reminds me of the old joke in the welding shop that I worked in.
Johnny was walking down the street, and passed the blacksmith shop just as the smithy was finishing a horseshoe. The smith threw it out in the dirt street to cool, and Johnny picked it up and immediately threw it back down again.
The smith- "Hot, ain't it?
Johnny- "Naw, just don't take me long to look at a horseshoe."

So every time that somebody picked up something that had just been welded some smartass would say "Don't take you long to look at a horseshoe."

 

.... never wear leather gloves while using the cut off wheel

 

Always, I repeat Always, flip up your face shield while grinding, so the sparks can have a direct path to your retina.

 

Cutting pipe is always faster with a wood bladed coarse tooth circle saw.
Never sweep up those metal bits after drilling...they do a great job on marking up the kitchen floor when imbedded in your shoes.
Guards on grinding wheels and cutoff tools are for SISSYs.

 

Make sure that wire wheel in the die grinder is close enough to your Tee shirt to suck it in good !

 

A 1/2" breaker bar is ever bit a torque wrench without that annoying clicking sound.

when using a1/2" impact wrench, ALWAYS shield the 3/8" standard duty socket on a reducer with your bare hand to prevent fragments from flying into your 7th beer when the socket grenades.

 

Always use compressed air to dry the solvent on wheel bearings and take note how fast the bearing spins if you hold the air at just the right angle. You should also note how closely the hole in the sheetrock/window etc. matches the size of what's missing from the bearing after the load noise.

 

Don't be fooled into buying a fancy-dancy parts washer, much less all that expensive "solvent".
Take all the greasy parts into the house, swab them up real good with gasoline and then place them into a hot oven to dry. Also put some gas soaked rags in the oven with the car parts. The gas fumes help to get rid of any grease thats left.

Also, if a police officer ever comes to your garage to inform you that the neighbors are complaining that your stereo is too loud, always greet him by calling him a "stupid fat-assed pig". This way he won't spend too much time wanting to know all the details of your car, you know, getting all friendly and such. Time is money. Tell him you'll turn the music down and then as he drives away, light a couple of roman candles to alert the neighbors that you are still "the man".

 

Look around slowly and then look up! The bearings usually go up! Been lucky so far! I wonder why we are still alive!

 

When a big Moth lands in your last coat of wet paint, Say"FUKKIT"
and go get a 12 Pack !!

 

Also, if a police officer ever comes to your garage to inform you that the neighbors are complaining that your stereo is too loud, always greet him by calling him a "stupid fat-assed pig". This way he won't spend too much time wanting to know all the details of your car, you know, getting all friendly and such. Time is money. Tell him you'll turn the music down and then as he drives away, light a couple of roman candles to alert the neighbors that you are still "the man".

now thats funny!


always sit cross legged on the floor in jean shorts while welding on the side of the car.

when using a flap disc on a 4 1/2" grinder under the car make sure that enough sparks are hitting your shoulder to catch your sweat shirt on fire.

never change a cut off wheel if it has a small chip on the outside edge. "if" it does come apart, chances are it won't hit "you". (this one happened about a month ago and i still have a mark, good thing i have a fat gut)

 

The proper technique for removing the cable from the positive terminal of the battery is to hold the wrench barehanded tightly with the left hand; make certain the wrench makes contact with your wedding band and the ground wire with your first turn.

 

I wasn't coughing this much BEFORE I painted the car without a respirator?

 

You fuck! Quit making fun of my shop practices! Oh, and don't forget, micrometers make great C-clamps! Ralph Nader rules!

 

Wear the loosest clothes you've got when using the buffer,grinder,or lathe. If the part you are polishing gets snatched by the buffer don't be a wimp and let go. Keep hold and grab it back!