History So Stupid Car tricks how many did them?

Back in college I drove for a multi-hospital complex in Boston, five to ten every morning delivering doctors, nurses, technicians to the various hospitals, Carrying blood and organs for the on-going operations through out. An easy job and a fun one and close to where I went to school.

The division that I worked out of bought seven new vans not too very long after I began working for them. These were the raised-roof style that would allow easy access for wheel chairs and, on crowded/rainy days the extra passengers could all jam in and stand up holding onto the "hooks." Seemed like a great idea. Unfortunately they were also two or three feet taller than the vans that we were driving before.

After making the days runs in the new vans we were all headed back to the parking garage where the vans were usually kept. Do I have to continue at this point?

I was most often the first one into the garage as I had a ten o'clock class and had to hurry not to be too late in getting there after work. I made it just ahead of the rest, they were in a line behind me. Of course the additional height was forgotten in the rush and stuffing a raised roof van into a garage with a nine foot clearance at thirty miles per hour took it's toll. I ended up with a convertible van, a "fiberglass boat" behind it and a front seat full of the fake stone stucco "facing" on the garage crashed down all over me.

They stitched me up and fired me that morning, I still have the scars at my hair-line and left cheek and a gouge out of my left elbow as a reminder. Of course, being a teenager, I saw something shiny and talked to a girl on the way back to school and dismissed the whole thing by that evening. Got my old job back on a floor stripping/buffing crew the next week and all was right as rain.

 

Had fight with girlfriend so a "friend" of mine takes her to prom. A can of sardines complete with juice on each exhaust manifold and intake insured that there would be no "parking" that night. Turned out to be only a temporary solution.........they ended up getting married!

 

I never did nuttin bad as a kid but I was told that if you were borrowing gas after
midnight from a feedmill's 5 ton Chevy and newly hired security was after you
a good place to hide was lying on top of the drive shaft, with your hands being used
against the box to balance yourself with.

 

Before the wife and I got married we were out racin her dad's pickup, he ad a '62 Short Chevy that he ad stuffed a 396 4 speed into. He was regional rep for Echlin and traveled a 4 state area. So he was out of town. I digress, I guess I over revved it and it let go, POW, clatter clatter. it clattered and clanked as we limped it home. Mom said not to worry about it she would take care of it and we parked it in the garage.

Well Saturday rolls around, and my phone rings. Dad says, "Hey you commin to breakfast?" It had become a habit to eat breakfast at the missus folks on Saturday. So I said, "Uh yep." and figured I was really in for it. At breakfast the Dad says, "Hey come out in the garage, I fired my Chevy up and it let go of something. Tell me what you think." So he lit it off and we listened, I pointed to the rear of the driver side bank and said, "Well sounds like its coming from there." he said, " yep think it broke a piston" So he talks me into spending the day with him repairing the truck. It had busted a piston in the ring lands, but hadn't hurt the cylinder, we replaced the piston and got it back together.

I was filthy and tired, and was headed home. he says, "I thought you and the girl were goin out tonight." I mentioned that I needed a shower and some clean cloths. He mentioned that his shower worked and he probably had some cloths that would fit me. So shower and change it was. We were on our way out to our merc and he comes out and suggests that we should drive the truck. So the truck it was. As we are backing it out he walks over and sticks his head in the window. Then produces a magic marker and makes a little mark on the tach and says, "When it get to here, shift."

 

Good one Beaner sounds like the father of the bride a good guy..

 

He was. Totally understood young rodders.

 

Funny stories from you all. Couple of mine:

I built a V8 Vega as senior in high school, it was my main college car. 350 SBC/T400/12-bolt 4.10 limited slip. I was showing off to a friend in middle of the day, turn onto this 35 mph street. I jump on it, catch big chirp pitching car sideways a bit into second, then slow down some to take the corner with a yellow 20 mph caution sign around 100 yards down. Just as rounding the corner, a motorcycle cop is there with radar gun. Ding, nailed and he pulls me over. "By the time I got a reading on you I had you at 41 mph on that corner!" I did not tell him by the time he got the reading I had slowed down 15 mph to go around the corner at 41. Got a ticket for 41 in a 20, according to him as the safe speed. Just went to traffic school since even arguing the case in court that 20 mph was way below the safe limit, I was 41 in a 35. Motorcycle cop you will always get a ticket, their job is traffic control.

Another, heading back to school Sun night after visiting girlfriend for the weekend. About 1:30 am (Mon morning technically) and flying down freeway in my 68 GTO around 85-90 mph, back when it was 55 mph limit. Look back and see headlights slowly gaining on me. Figure either a cop or someone more crazy than me, so I slow to 60 mph. Feels like I could get out and push faster. Headlights catch up and stay behind me a ways. Slow to 55mph and then finally they catch up and then the flashing lights from a cop. "I never got a reading on you, but I was doing 95-100 to catch up." he wrote me a ticket for 75+, no lie this was exactly as he put it on the ticket. Another traffic school day. I went to traffic school 6 times in 5 years, all to keep the tickets off my record. Back then no central system and each county kept their own records.

 

I was 14 and school had let out for the summer. My Mother took turns with her friend on who drove to work, that day was her friends turn. She surprised me by handing me the keys to the buick and tells me to wash it before she gets home.

Of course I called up my friends to tell them we would be hitting "the track" a little two track course carved out in the field down the street. We all piled in and spent the morning doing my best Mario Andretti impression around that dusty course.

The afternoon was spent cleaning every inch of the car inside and out. When she got home she was quite impressed. life was good

The next morning she goes out and starts the car and turns on the air conditioning. When she called out using my entire name I knew I was in trouble. I came out to find her standing next to the car with dust pouring out of the A/C vents completely filling the interior..... Ah OOPS!

 

Traditional too

 

Coupla pranks. Wire with alligatot clip on each end. Sneak hood open. Connect brake light switch to horn relay. Every time he steps on brakes the horn blows. A friend tried this. Clipped onto the horn relay OK but couldn't find brake light switch. ( it was under dash with swing pedals) Didn't know what to do so clipped onto generator without any idea of what would happen. Victim comes out of work, starts car, creeps out of busy parking lot onto highway. Gets up to about 30 mph when generator starts making enough juice for horn to make an sttange bleating sound. Victim slows to 25 mph. Sound stops. Has no idea what's wrong. Creeps 30 miles home on state hi-way at 25 mph. Really mad when he found wire.

High school prankster cut 1/4-inch plate into square that was about 1/2-inch longer than distance from victim's rear axle to ground.. jacked up right-rear wheel, puts plate under axle and close to tire. Victim comes out of school, starts car, shifts into first, releases hand brake and lets out clutch. Nothing happens. Kid doesn't know right rear wheel is spinning. Checks first gear, checks hand brake. Nothing. Other kids are all watching. Suspects prank. Shifts to neutral and sets hand brake. Walks around car. Looks under car but doesn't see plate. . Don't remember if he figured it out or whether somebody told him. All of this in late 1950s.

 

The guy that owned the local parts store parked one of the delivery trucks in the parking lot next to the gas station I worked at and headed over to the bar across the street. So we went out with a handful of wheel weights and pounded them on the inside of the rear wheels. He said later it shook so bad he couldn't go over 20 mph.

 

I had a 67 Firebird convertible in the 80s aready it had a lot of filler in the rear quarters{that was from those salty winters in N.J.}. I gave it to my brother.Now when he drank he was cazier than a shit house rat. I was following him home from a party in my 64 buick station wagon.{I even had wagons back then LOL.}and we were on the interstate He was speeding and a trooper pulled up behind him and turned his lights on. I thought oh man he is up shit creek now. Well he was going so fast he exited off on one of the interstate exits so fast the trooper couldn't slow down in time and past the exit.My brother snuck home on back roads and hid the firebird in the garage for a week while he used my wagon. I still don't know how he pulled that one off???Bruce.

 

I could not resist this while I am having my morning coffee.

I got my dream car in 1972. It was my brother's friends car that was a 69 Mustang Mach1 that he had bought new early in 69. He came from a well off family. He and a friend went down to the states and picked up a pair of Ford 427 side oilers with the factory med rise dual carbs . He took the engine to a builder and had it worked over with the intent to take it drag racing. They estimated that it was making 500+hp. After he got it running strong it was put up on blocks in a garage and he went to university. In 72 my brother asked if I wanted to buy the car. It had 6000 miles on it and still smelled new. It was the perfect metallic blue with black hood that a killer stance that looked like it was doing a hundred when it was parked. What 22 year old could resist.

I had been driving a 36hp fastback (60VW bug) for college and it did not have anything past first gear. The Mustang idled rough and had the greatest sounding engine. It shook the windows if it was parked between the houses. A couple days after I had owned the car, it was damp, trying to rain and the car was not liking it. I stopped at a stop sign downtown and started to pull out when it felt like it was going to stall so I punched it to avoid the stall. I had no clue what the car was capable of. It lit up the tires & broke loose so the car was burning out on the spot. I let off the gas and the car literally jumped across the intersection. I did this in front of a cop that was parked down the side street. He pulled me over and threatened to end my driving. His comment was that he was impressed but not impressed. I told him that I had just bought the car and had no clue of its power and was trying not to stall. He was originally talking a reckless driving charge but decided to give me a $20 ticket for unnecessary noise. I really respected him for that & probably "not being known to the police" may have helped. still $20 then is like $200 today. I always had the police following me around waiting for me to goof off. One night they got tired of following me and pulled me over to ask where I was going. I was just driving around town mindlessly as we did in those days. It would get tiring being checked out especially on Friday nights when when everyone with their muscle cars were acting up. I would park the Mustang and take the bug out.

My dad thought I was nuts buying the Mustang but did not say much. One day I was in the basement and I heard it fire up. My dad was backing it out of the driveway and the car did a good squawk on take off. I had to tap the clutch to start it to roll before letting the clutch out to avoid a squawk from a stop. Dad came back a while later with a huge grin.

A friend recently brought his Cobra replica over that had the 427 side oiler with the med rise. We went for a spin and there is no better sounding engine. A 427 is insane power in the Cobra and all fun.

One fond memory of a warm mid summer night and a restless bunch of friends.
There was a bunch of us teens walking down a street that had a narrow deep ditch and most people had a short wood bridge walk over the ditch.. There was a VW bug parked on the street and bugs were a novelty. We picked up the back end to see if we could so what the heck. We lifted the rear to straddle the ditch then did the same to the front. It was harmless but the person had to straddle & drive to the end of the block to get free of the ditch. The driver probably was probably wondering how his car got to straddle the ditch. We thought it was a hilarious.

 

It's a good thing God loves drunks and fools.

 

I still had that same 64 Buick station wagon and I blew a trans cooling line and ran it out of trans fluid so all I had left was low left {no drive} and I never could get it through state inspection. Than was before garages could inspect cars.So it had a red failuare sticker on the windshield. I would go see my girl friend a couple town away. There was a local cop always sitting in the shopping center around where my girl friend lived{and he knew her dad.They were on the same bowling team} he had pulled me over several time because of the bad sticker and given tickets. Well one night I went to go see her and there he was in the parking lot and saw me. I went screaming by him in low and down the back road to my girl friend house. They lived on a big farm and had a long driveway with a bridge about half way down the drive. I turned into the drive way real fast and shut off my headlights and hauled ass down the long drive and {they had a garage under their house}and drove around and under the house in to the garage. I went up stairs and told her what happened. She said oh oh he is coming down the drive way now, so I ran back down in the cellar in to the garage. I heard the cop knock and come in the house and ask my girl friend if she had seen me. She said no. He said if I catch him he going to jail and I am impounding that damn car. He finally left. My girl friend came down and said you got to get out of here my dad will be here any minute{her dad didn't like me at that time}I said but that cop is waiting for me .She said who do you want to face my dad or the cop???So I slowly crept back out the drive way and when I got to the shopping center I shut my headlights off again. I was REAL LUCKY because he wasn't there waiting for me. I haul ass back to my town and house. The next day I called the junk yard and had them haul off that Buick wagon. I bought a different car and it went thru inspection and I never saw that cop again. I tried to go down her drive way with this other car with no headlights just to see if I could do it again and I couldn't . I kept running off the drive way. I don't know how I did it that night???Man you cant make this stuff up. Young and stupid. LOL. Bruce.

 

LOL reminds me of a story.

When I was about 16 ( maybe 15) me and my buddy Darryl owned a '65 Impala Vert together. We had purchased a case of Oly and were out tryin to pick up chicks in this little town called Gaston. Well all the local kids were out of town actin a fool at this T in the road and Darryl was convinced that we could fly up to the intersection and spin a Brodie and head back in the other direction. Which would have made us pretty damned cool actually.

Sooooo we come flyin up to the intersection and he slams on the brakes and cranks the wheel. The bad was he hit the brakes before he started cranking the wheel and we skidded straight across the intersection and banged into the guard rail, uh hard enough to pop my door open. Well I was about 3 sheets in the wind and fell out of the car. Darryl was screaming for everyone to find me, and while I was unharmed just trying to get up this big ol country kid comes and hollars I found him. The he grabs the back of my shirt and gives me a yank, banging the back of my head into the bottom of the door. I still got a little knot back there. LOL

 

So the same friend that was driving his Mom's Monte Carlo in my previous story about the ice capades is a feature in this one as well...

I grew up in a little town called Walnut Grove, and we worked our hardest at dating the girls there. At some point you just run out of girls in a small town, so us three boys did a re-locate to Ash Grove as a hang out, (we appear to have a variety of tree groves around these parts) and started through the ladies from there.

Our Monte driving hero and I had each landed a fresh new girlfriend and were at the cusp of starting a double date, he in the front of the Monte and I in the rear, our new sweeties at our sides, and he decides to make a solid first impression by doing stupid car tricks. We had landed at the local hang out, which was central to the "big" intersection in Ash Grove, and he proceeds to take off from there, burning rubber with the peg leg, speeding like a bat from hell 100 yards up the highway, power-sliding into the parking lot at the supermarket, and skidding to a stop in a space at the front door. This show of masculinity was perfectly executed, and our ladies were then treated to a cool drink and snacks from the store. Once we had made our purchases, we piled back into the ol' Monte and he did a perfect recreation of the stunt show from ten minutes previous, landing us back at the hang out we started from.

Before the engine was even shut off, behind us is the city police chief in his car, lights spinning. Now my date and I are trapped in the back seat, so we spectate as the officer (who we normally hang out with later in the evening after his shift) approaches. He points out that he watched us meet up and load into the car, and enjoyed the first spectacle of speed to the store without much care. "Then" He said "I watched again, as you repeated the performance on the return trip.You see, I was sitting across the street in the service station lot the whole time." (In our driver's haste to perform, he had missed that minute detail.) "Now, I could have let the first trip pass, but the second round, well..."

Our driver ended up with a C&I, breaking traction, speeding, and no proof of insurance ticket for the 100 yard show. Just before the ticket book came out, the officer *finally* invited my date and I to exit the vehicle. I was very grateful for that invitation.

And again, I did not see that friend for quite some time, except at school.

 

On night at our car club gathering we were severely harmed - there were some beers involved. Someone was burning rubber with his scooter, and his van was standing nearby. Someone pointed to that, and that it would look very epic to do a burnout on top of that van. Several seconds later show was on... In the morning we were standing there watching that scooter standing on top of the van, thinking how to take it on the ground. What took us several seconds at night, with hot engine touching our hands, took us about 15 minutes in the morning to undo .
Off-topic cars unfortunately:

 

When I was a young man had a friend "Crazy Dave" need I say more, when him and I got together we were Dumb and Dummer, he had bought a new 65 GTO, 4 speed car, 4 barrel, 4:10 posi, pretty fast car for time frame. We were cruising up Hwy 41 one evening on way to a Street racing spot and blow through a radar trap, instantly the red lights come on, Crazy Dave stands on it, but with that gear 110/115 was all she wrote, he was looking for an exit road, before we found an exit that Sherrif 's car caught up to us, so he pulls over, another trip to the pokey for him, I had just got my lisence back and took the car back to his Dad's home for the 3rd time, his Dad was a cool old Hot Rodder and just shook head and said, you know, his brain dna must have ran down his Mother's leg. My last Street Race adventure I had was racing him, I won, he got away, I went to the pokey. Sat and thought about it quite a while and severed my friendship with him, decided I can do enough stupid stuff on my own, did see him in later years and we talked about our adventures of being Dumb Ass's. I have posted some "Crazy Dave" stories in past posts, too many to keep track of with him and way to many of my own adventures of being a Dumb Ass. LOL

 

Ohhh...the stories I could tell.
"Crazy Dave", or "Crazy whomever"...usually should have been "Dumb Dave", or names inclusive.
I can relate a couple. Back in a bit, am browning a 7 bone roast, have to put it into the slow cooker. Hang on.

 

Still livin the life danger, there Mike. Don't burn yourself (or the roast).

 

There was a local 'crazy' (self-appointed) that drove a VW, he had a local shop in San Jose build him a huge engine (for the times, 1963; Nearly 2 liter, as I recall....124 C.I.)
This guy bragged up this VW, it was so fast it was practically illegal! Some of us laughed at that, this guy knew everything!

I asked my bud Jack to take this hooser for a ride, then see if he'd race...
Jack had a '31 Plymouth PA Coupe, full fendered, recent restoration. I had installed a '54 Chrysler Hemi, 354...but punched it .125 with Jahns 10:1s, Howard M-8 solid lifter cam, six 97s on a Weiand log manifold, Scintilla Vertex, and I matched the ports. Tuned easily, (straight linkage! LOL) But it was Snappy! Oh, '37 Buick Roadmaster, '49 Pontiac rear, 3.93s. Ran slicks, (M&H) just drove streets occasionally...
Jack asked the 'crazy' to take a ride, if he thought his VW would beat him...O.K., they'd race. For $$$.

Jack told the guy to sit 'straight', and turned out of the drive in...He 'slipped' the slicks on the asphalt, and the car hooked up and they were gone!

I lifted the lid of the VW, (nice...dual Solexes, hot ignition, much chrome. Mess of ignition wires, so I allowed to be led into temptation. Switching the coil lead with #3 plug cable (at the dist cap) I plugged 'em in...
(GREAT trick on an opposed 4, especially a high compression one!)

They got back, and the Big Crazy looked a little shaken. He hemmed and hawed, made excuses about his 'valve adjustment' (didn't have his P&G Valve Gapper!) Plugs needed to be cleaned, etc.
He did say that Plymouth was Rocket fast, for a car!

He finally announced to anybody listening that he was gonna split, so opened his door and sat down, hooking up his 3" aircraft 5-point safety belt.
He turned the key, and the engine 'started'...that is, it bumped as it fired on the one cylinder it would fire...
"Boompf," then nothing, "boompf," silence, "boompf....." It was running, but only on one. He shut it off, wrestled with the safety belt, jumped out, tore open the deck lid. Then looked underneath. Checked the oil!!! Then the fan belt.
This bozo went through a series of 'checks' that were unrelated to any internal combustion engine known, even 2 cycle model airplane engines!
He moved plug wires, pulled the throttle cable.
I finally said, "Crank it over, let me look..." As he got ready to step in, I quickly replaced the wires.
He turned the key..."Vroom!" He ran the engine at different RPM, listening as though he'd figure something out...
He sat and ran that thing for 20 minutes that I knew of.
Finally, we left, Big Crazy was still running the big VW and still listening...

 

Stupid things I did? I could write a book!

It's a miracle I am still here. HRP

 

Beer run driving down the wrong side of the road.

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After a heavy snow, doing donuts in an empty parking lot sure is fun, until you realize you've forgotten where the concrete parking bumpers are located. This normally happens right after your car comes to a rapid, unexpected stop. Gary

 

I hope you don't mind a story where I wasn't the driver, but I think it is one of the funniest that happened to me.
When I was a single fighter pilot living in barracks, I had a 50 cc Honda that I used to get back and forth to the flight line. I always left the key in the thing, and never gave security any thought.
One Sunday evening, I returned from a long multiple mission flight to Montreal, and was riding my Honda back to the barracks. I was set upon by not one, but two military police cars with lights and the whole show. The reason for my being pulled over, was that I was the criminal that they had been hunting for over two days. I was accused of pulling a bunch of drunken rowdies around the base on a skate board, slaloming through the trees on the lawns, tearing up the lawn, and other high crimes.
There intent was to call the Base Commander and put me under house arrest.
They were very serious, and became quite angry when I started to laugh uncontrollably. The sergeant asked me why I thought this series of crimes, that would probably ruin my career, was so funny, whereupon I told him that I had been away all weekend and could prove it. I took them out to the hanger and showed them the F17 flight log that I had just signed, which proved that I had been away during the whole period where these events occurred.
They were despondent, and asked me if I had any idea as to who had stolen my bike. I stated, that considering that the bike was left at the hanger, and the key was left in the bike, I didn't have a clue. Knowing now that I was the victim of a crime, they released me with a full apology.
I could pretty much guess that my buddies were involved somehow. I got back to the barracks to find a total disaster. I had (fortunately) missed a monumental pissup, and although I never did find out, (nor did I want to know) who took the bike, I did find out that it was the base bank manager that had been riding the skate board, and because he had fallen off, they caught him. Because he was a civilian, he couldn't be charged, and he never gave anyone up.
If I would have been there, it probably would have been me on the bike.

 

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My buddies and I were probably 13 years old when we heard of the potato prank. The idea was to twist a potato onto the target's tailpipe. About 3/4 way on so there was a plug of potato in the pipe and the rest around the outside. This supposedly made it hard to start the car. Hey, we were 13 years old! But it sounded so cool that one of the guys had to try it. He needed a victim. He picked a man who lived on a corner where we walked to school and he usually left home as we were walking by. This way we could watch the fun. As a bonus, this man always backed his car into the garage because he was on a busy road. So the prankster would not be spotted doing the deed. The timing was perfect. The potato was placed late the previous night. Victim came out as we were passing. Started car but it immediately stalled. Started again and stalled again. The third time he must have floored it because it revved up fast and blew the potato through 10 storm windows that were leaning up against the back wall.

 

When we were in our late teens, a friend of mine had a beef with someone we both knew and decided to drop an unrolled condom down his gas filler pipe. It drove the cars owner berserk. Whenever the level in his tank got real low which is quite normal for teenagers, the condom would cover the gas pick up and shut his engine down. After sitting awhile or after adding gas the condom would float off and everything would be normal again. I'm sure he never figured it out.
Another good reason for a locking gas cap.

Gary

 

I had a 65 Cutlass convertible with a 4 speed. (I'd love to have it now)
It was a $100 dollar car in 1974,and the top didn't work.
We were at a light after cutting off an ice cream truck when the guy pulls up and starts giving me the biz.
I had a scythe under the seat and told my friend, "Watch this".
I pulled it out and sliced the top then stood up waving it around. The guy hauled through the light.
The cop behind me took it away and told me, " just get a stick like everybody else".
We would throw Salvo laundry tabs into the Home savings &Loan fountain.
HAHA Big fun.
It was a lighted left so you had to time it.
The guys would hook their feet under the seat and throw into the curve. Cousin Kevin fell out at 35 mph.
We went back after about 20 minutes and he was on the bus bench.
Torn shirt and pants, rash on the forehead and a smile.
The fountain had a better head that most girls we kner.