The Battle of MoKan

The Battle of MoKan

With Friday came the optimism of possibility. We had some rain that day, but the forecast for Saturday looked clear and the temps reasonable. Plus, the parking lot at the LaQuinta was filling out nicely with both warriors from events past as well as new cars that had never before seen MoKan. Things were looking up and I was as relaxed as I could be the day before a big event.

Things would change… and change quickly.

Many of you don’t know this, but there is a dark belly to the world of independent drag racing. A little over a decade ago, events like the H.A.M.B. Drag Nationals began to grab a footing in the market and the larger association that had ruled for so long began to notice. Fearing a hostile take over of sorts, they sent agents out into the wild to both gather Intel and sabotage success. Through hard work, street smarts, and a little luck, I’ve been able to thwart these efforts for years now… But it wasn’t a question of if, it was a question of when.

The “when” ended up being 2019.

Details at the time of publication are slim and many questions will have to go unanswered for now as it’s still an active investigation, but what we can tell you is that it was an attack from two fronts. The first of which was both wicked and shrewd.

Late on Friday night, an agent of the association managed to circumvent our security protocols and slip a strain of North Korean sourced VX poison into my Modelo. With a tainted bloodstream, my body collapsed into itself and I remained deep inside a semi-conscious coma well into race day. The only thing that saved me was quick access to a track side bathroom and a couple of fresh pairs of drawers. I powered through, but only just barely.

The second front was attacked using a strategy the association had tried only a few years earlier. Russian spy planes were dispatched high over Missouri – releasing weather creating chemical agents. From the early morning hours to well past noon, the skies dumped copious amounts of rain on the track. The fellas at MoKan, however, were up to the task. Through an unbelievable amount of work and persistence, they were able to dry the race surface and get it prepped well enough to allow 1/8th mile passes.

But MoKan’s reputation for pushing through the impossible is famous, and the association was ready for it. An hour after the track was dried and cars began to run, they sent more Russian planes and more weather. It ended up being an epic battle between hard work and lazy science. At around 16:00 hours, Carl started to dig in for the long haul. “No matter the consequences,” he said. “We will beat these bastards and run these cars down the strip. Prepare for an all-nighter fellas. It just might take it.”

At around 16:30 hours, Carl called cars to the lanes again and we all watched as the Poison Ivy Dodge fought off the Russian rain using nothing but valor for traction. Then the rain came harder and I began to see the determined pain in the eyes of the track soldiers. It was all too much… The association had won this battle and to the protest of Carl and the boys, I waved the white flag.

To add insult to injury, the association poisoned my son later that night with the same VX agent they had used on me the night before. Security cameras caught him sleep walking and vomiting throughout the night and well into the next morning. This was the first H.A.M.B. Drags for both him and his older sister, so it’s assumed that this poisoning was only sent as a warning shot of sorts for next year. It was also a signal that the manners of war have changed and that war crime is now on the table.

What the association doesn’t realize is that we are willing and able to fight for what is ours. There is no better track crew than the boys at MoKan, there are no better racers than the ladies and gentlemen that ravish the lanes of MoKan, and there is no way in hell they can stop us. The 2019 H.A.M.B. Drag Nationals might have been the worst in history, but… WAIT ‘TIL NEXT YEAR!

-Ryan H. Cochran

Special Thanks To:

  1. Miller Cochran. The hardest working Cochran… willing to fight through bouts of both hangriness and VX poisoning to make sure the masses get their shirts and stickers.
  2. Presley Cochran. The best attitude in the bunch. Fearless. Determined. Ready for anything…
  3. Marcie Cochran. The woman that makes EVERYTHING possible.
  4. Kevin, Dan, Casey, Katie, Jill, and everyone else that pitches-in in the booth and keeps everything running despite all the hurdles and pitfalls. Seriously… Family.
  5. Ryno. He silently and proudly does the shit no else wants too. He’s a real hero.
  6. Carl and the MoKan boys. I mean it when I say there isn’t another group of guys on the planet that I would want to run a drag strip with.
  7. LaQuinta. Man… These folks are patient.
  8. The Austin Crew. No words.
  9. Everyone that attends the Drags… It meant a whole lot to have so many people hand out their condolences on Saturday night. I expected the worst given the situation and was met by smiles and high-fives instead. You guys really do mean the world to me and my family. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

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