married guys vent thread...

So, I have had the same car for 11 years. I am FINALLY in a position where I can afford to work on it, both financially and time-wise. I spend about 6 to 8 months a year in the mid east, so my time at home is precious, for myself AND my wife of 4 years. We get all weekends off, and she gets Friday off as well.

I can understand my wife wants to spend time with me when I'm home, but EVERY f**king time I want to work on my car, especially when that timing coincides with the two of us having the same day off, I get shit over it. WTF?

"I had plans for us...." or, "I thought we were going to spend time together..."

So, how do you guys work this out? I am SURE it is not just MY wife! hahahah! My wife never nags at me about the car, she is just a bit needy at times, and I honestly think she jealous of a damn CAR! I have to laugh, it is funny, but i would LOVE to hear that I am not the only one!

 

pass her a sanding block and tell her 'I've got plans for you, too!'

 

Gone through the same thing with mine. Now I just communicate with her beforehand and ask her to help. Something like "I really need to get a ton of shit done on the car next weekend, want to help?" She usually won't get her hands dirty, but appreciates me trying to include her. On the plus side, she sewed all my door panels for me and taught me to sew while she did it.

Good luck.

 

When I was a young boy back in the late 50's, I noticed my grandpa always seemed to have money available. He was just a middleclass blue collar like most who had a family of 6 children.
Finally before he died when I was a teenager i ask him about it....

He walked to work three blocks for 40 years.

 

You're not alone, hombre. I'm not even married yet and I'm already facing that dilemma. Maybe I should run now.
The funny thing is, whenever she wants to do something she likes to do, I am all about "givng her her space", but the second I have car plans, watch out.
She has even admitted that she's jealous of the car.

Edit: Been married for 7 months now and still in the same boat. Can't wait for Spring and the great snow melt. She'll never see my ass unless she makes the trek out to the garage.

 

You are not the only one.. I heard the same stuff. Recently she got a hobby of her own doing photoshop work and it has helped, plus she knows tuesday nights are reserved and sundays are for getting car work done.. if she knows ahead of time, it's seems to be less of a deal.

 

i go through the same shit, kind of.,,,my wife works all kinds of weird hours,,alot of weekends & nights,,,which is good,cuz it DOES give me time to work on my cars,,,

so when i had something planned to do on my car that weekend or what have you, and she is off and says she had something planned,she always wins since we dont always get to do stuff that often...

..but if the day she has something planned and its also some kind of big swapmeet or car thing/show that only happens once a year and i really want to go to,, she usually bitches,but is somewhat understanding..

 

No man, it's just your wife.
I actually never have problems like that.
The key is, you have to compromise, but that goes both ways.
We have been married for 13 years and I am just starting to master the art of getting along.

 

Sounds like you need to jump in front on the schedule. If you have a calendar hanging up (I Do), fill in your shit way ahead of time..

I can see her wanting to be around you the short amount of time you are home. I see my wife every day and she barely wants anything to do with me..

 

I agree with dreadman. Compromise.

I got lucky. My wife came from a hot rod family. She loves cars. Half the time she is more dirty than I am when we are working on the car.

When she is getting tired of hearing about cars or going to car shows she lets me know. It all about communication and compromise. I work on the car during the day and we hang out at night.

 

Get used to it !

 

Tell her that HER car is fucked up, and you need to take a look at it. Take off in it in the AM, work on your's all day, and then bring it home at night ("yeah babe, I think it's gonna take another day, sorry about missing such-and-such, but I don't want you to get stranded on the way to work monday")

Works for me, but I do my shit at a remote location

In all honesty, I don't get it either. I am not sure why women don't have any real interests or hobbies.. if they did, I would be 100% supportive. It's not my fault basketball games are 3x as long as Oprah!

 

If your having time issues now, don't have any kids. It is all about compromising. Both of you need to give and take. And learn to work late at night and sleep less.

 

I work out in the garage at night after the kids go to bed. She'd rather have me out there than making snide comments about the stupid tv shows she watches...

It really is a compromise. However, "When Momma's happy, everyone's happy" holds true in my house.

 

You gotta give a little, actually a lot! I've been married for eight years and have two little girls (2 and 4), and a 1948 Chrysler. I love them all, but when push comes to shove, the Chrysler goes back in the garage and family wins out. Think of your project as a sexy, steel mistress you get to sneak away to. Then anytime you get with her is exciting (even if just a glance as your taking out the trash). Dedicated hotrod time is for those lucky old retired bastards who's wives have no further use for anyways. Just ride it out and soon we'll be those lucky old f#cks.

 

I'll have to count myself as lucky. My wife (of 19 years) is fascinated with the car building process and likes to help. Hell, when we were at Autorama last weekend, she bought some Moon gauges when I was looking at something else and then started bugging me that night about when I was going to install them!

 

I've been married for 35 years and we have never had a problem when it comes to the cars,,,she even tries to help when I need a extra hand,,,

The thing is,,, she likes the ol' cars almost as much as I do. HRP

 

Take it from a guy who went thru hell with this..if you can run..do it now! And dont look back. If your married and you knew this about her going into it..sorry you fucked up, and your life will be shit forever or until you or her die.
if it is something that just surfaced in your relationship, i feel for you..
Now with my current wife, there are no issues..thats why shes my current wife.
Im a ferm believer of laying down who you are and what you do before the relationship gets into the bedroom, that way there are no misunderstandings. and if one does surface, you can tell her to refer to the conversation you had with her about the type of man you were at that time of dicussion and the man you intend to remain. If she has a problem with that and you dont have any legal binding contract send her ass to the curb..
theres an old saying
if it flys floats fucks or drives rent it! theres more of them out there. no need to suffer for it.
Please dont misunderstand me, I love and respect my wife, but she loves and respects me too, thats what makes it work

 

Tell her you want sex or to work on the car! Bet you get more car time. HA HA HA!

 

Make "dates" to do stuff, including working on the car - if you have a regular day reserved, she can do girl stuff then and stay out of your way - my wife used to play volleyball so Tuesday nights were always reserved for that and I could have, in theory, spent the evening working on the hot rod - trouble is we have a 7 yr old and my time was (and is) spent with her - my poor project sits!

Steve

 

Dreadman and mynameisnotpete hit the nail square on the nead. COMMUNICATION and COMPROMISE is what it's all about. I have been married 41 years and if you ask my wife who makes the plans and who's in charge her answer would be ......"we are". We are ready to rock and roll for another 40 years. Treat your lady like you want to be treated. And the first thing is NEVER to call her "the old lady".

 

Wow, I feel lucky. When I'm messing w/ something at a friend's place the only gripe I get is if I wake my wife up coming home at 4am...that's as long as I'm filthy and smell like grease. She doesn't even complain too much about the $$ or the lack of parking in our driveway, or no spot for her new car in the garage, or the new grease prints on the carpet, or, or, or.. Man, if I ever come home that late and I am clean......

 

That's funny as hell, but probably won't get you very far...

On the other hand, she must've known you were into your cars the way you are before you were married. So, in essence she married you for the guy you are. Cars are part of your life and she accepted that when she said "I do".

Though you could tell her this, it most likely won't get you very far with her either...

In addition to this; I was looking at buying a new truck (for reliability) to drive back and forth to work. My wife asks why not buy an older car that has already had some stuff replaced, but is reliable enough to drive to work everyday. So, I just bought a '57 Chev that could still use a bit of repair, but is a really nice driver...

 

If my wife bitches at me I remind her I pay all of the bills including her van,her insurance,her repairs.....

 

Maybe I am lucky. We went to the Early Bird Swap meet on Sunday. I was there to look at what was avaliable. Found some nice stuff, junk also. Came across a Ford PU, and a few others. Went back to the Ford. I asked here what she thought, she said it was up to me. Went back and forth a while like that. Then she says whatever you want to do, then adds "I'll help with it all that I can." Finally picked the Ford. Now she says she has all of these ideas for it. Which is nice it is for her as well as myself. Now the daughter wants to help also. This is going to be a family thing, not just mine. Don't know about the rest of you but I think that is the neatest thing around..

 

I'll second what some of these guys said. This is exactly why I didn't marry the girl I dated before my wife. She got upset when I was working on the car. I told her how much it meant to me and how I wanted to spend the time working with my dad before it was too late. She still didn't understand. I got rid of her, found my wife and finished the car. The best thing I ever did. I spent alot of time doing body work and painting with a friend who passed away shortly after the car was finished. I would have never gotten to spend that time with him had I let her win out. With my wife, it's all about compromise. I spend days in the garage and days with her when we're not at work. I always noticed my parents had their own lives with their own interests and also a life together. It's worked out for them for 34 years, so something must be right. It's all about compromise. Last weekend, I spent one day working on my wagon and one day snowshoeing with her. We were both happy. Of course, we both have all summer off, so we have alot of time to divy up, but I'm glad I found her. Seems like some of you guys are in a living hell.

 

Welcome back from deployment!

1. You gotta compare calendars. Make sure you know of all her scheduled events/expectations well in advance and she knows all yours.

2. Establish a fixed "garage time" (e.g. every Friday evening after work until whenever).

3. What you perceive to be jelousy may be just a lack of understanding. Invite her out to the garage and SHOW her what you're doing. She may not understand WHY you do it (or want to touch that icky rusty junk), but at least she may begin to tolerate your passion.

...just wait 'till you have kids and have to add another layer of scheduling- soccer practice, birthday parties, yada, yada, yada...

Hope this helps.

 

my ol lady doesnt care. hell shes alwasy buyn parts for me that i dont know about..this shit is great!.. you gata not be a dick about it though. leave the ego at work, and be happy when your with her. trust me all the bullshit isnt worth the fighting. why fight about dumb shit when you could be gettn busy?...

 

I think I might have to have "the old lady" read this thread so she knows that I am not the only one!

shit, we arent even married.

 

In my opinion wrong woman... If I heard that kind of stuff I would rethink things...