zonkola
09-17-2003, 03:11 PM
Hot Rod Nostalgia in the Year 2046
(A screenplay based on events in the future)
Three men in their early 60's and one man in his 40's are sitting at a table at an original restored McDonalds restaurant from the early 2000s. Each man is wearing baggy, low rise jeans that expose 6 to 12 inches of their plaid boxer shorts, along with an old-style wallet with a chain that attaches to a belt loop of their jeans. All of them are wearing vintage reproduction Von Dutch hats. The restaurant sound system is playing all the oldies -- music by artists such as Eminem, Linkin Park, and Britney Spears. The camera zooms in on the table as Snoop Dogg's "Gin and Juice" comes on.
BRADD: I dig this place, brah. They even still ask you if you 'want fries with that'!
CAMERON: I know G, and the waitress is totally hot!
BRADD: Dude, she's young enough to be your granddaughter. Get over it.
CAMERON: Married not buried, dawg!
SETH: Chill, my homies.
BRADD: Check it, I had a three-alarm geezer experience this morning. I pull up to the donut depot in my primered and slammed Civic Si -- turning heads as usual, brah -- and this old dude steps to me and says, "Nice car. I had one just like it years ago." And I'm thinking, oh boy, here we go. So then the blue hair starts telling me about his old metallic fucking beige Camry four door! Like that's even in the ballpark of a Civic Si!
CAMERON: Totally, brah. Like his fuckin' Camry was ever cool back in the day.
MARSHALL: (chuckling) Yeah, I bet it didn't even have a 'shit can' on it! What a loser! (holds his right hand to his forehead in a L-shape)
The three older men laugh at the younger man.
SETH: Actually, we called them 'fart cans' back in the day. A 'shit can' is something completely different, and you wouldn't want one in your car!
The three older men laugh again.
MARSHALL: Oh. Sorry dawg.
SETH: Anyway, that ain't nothin', brah. One of my buds just made this amazing carport find. He was in the transfusion center when he heard one of the clerks talking about some early plastic over at an old apartment building. So my bud cruises around until he finds the place, and under a tarp in a carport is an original red RX7. Still had the factory fuel injection and everything. It hadn't even been converted to Ethanol yet!
MARSHALL: No way, brah!
SETH: Way. So he tracks down the old bat that owns the thing. Turns out she bought it new, drove it for 30 thousand miles and then just parked it, man. Just parked it. Didn't move an inch until my homie came along and snapped it up. But get this: He asks batgirl what she wants for it and she's like, "Well, I paid $28K for it new. You can have it for that."
BRADD: $28K?! You can't even buy dental floss for $28K!
SETH: I know. She didn't have a clue. So my bro snaps it up and turns around and unloads it on eBaywarnerzon for $3.7 gigadollars!
CAMERON: Shit, brah! Where the fuck am I when all the vintage plastic is being handed out like fucking party favors?!
SETH: I know, it hurts like a bee-atch.
At that moment, Justin, a respected old-time tuner in his late 60s, walks into the restaurant.
CAMERON: Jus!
BRADD: Hey, brah!
JUSTIN: Word to your schnizzle dizzle, fellas.
SETH: What up, dawg?
JUSTIN: I just got back from my man Vin Diesel's gravesite, my bruthas. It was a seriously spiritual experience. I felt like he was looking at me and my turbo Mitsu from up there, you know what I mean? He was probably thinking, "Bad ass ride, brah."
BRADD: Totally.
SETH: (quietly) He was a great man. He's still fast & furious, just in a better place now.
CAMERON: Amen.
MARSHALL: Only the good die young, brah.
JUSTIN: It’s the 110% pure truth, dawg. Homeboy knew his cars, too. Not like that gutless fuel cell crap you see kids driving today. They wouldn’t know a killer vintage neon light rope if it bit 'em in the ass!
The men all laugh.
BRADD: Yeah, and they all think NOSS stands for National Ovary Sterilization Service!
CAMERON: Ha! Like reproduction policy has anything to do with kick ass performance gear!
SETH: Be patient with them, brah. We'll need some of these younger guys to 'get it', or there'll be no one to carry the torch when we’re gone...
CAMERON: Word up.
SETH: Well, I've gotta go, dudes. I just scored a new old stock sub woofer cone for the Honda. Fifteen incher, too.
BRADD: Right on, brah. I need to get back to the homestead too. Maybe fire up some Korn’s Greatest Hits and chill.
JUSTIN: Cool, fellas. Same time next week?
As the men say their goodbyes and walk out of the restaurant, the waitress turns to an older lady, the owner of the restaurant.
WAITRESS: Grandma, didn't they have belts back then? And don't they know how ridiculous that looks on a young guy, not to mention a saggy old fart with a pot belly?
OLDER LADY: Jennifer, show some respect! Your grandfather dressed like that back in the day. He looked fly, too. First time I saw him and that hot wing on his Celica I knew I wanted to grab me a piece of that tight--
WAITRESS: Grandma!
[FADE TO BLACK]
(A screenplay based on events in the future)
Three men in their early 60's and one man in his 40's are sitting at a table at an original restored McDonalds restaurant from the early 2000s. Each man is wearing baggy, low rise jeans that expose 6 to 12 inches of their plaid boxer shorts, along with an old-style wallet with a chain that attaches to a belt loop of their jeans. All of them are wearing vintage reproduction Von Dutch hats. The restaurant sound system is playing all the oldies -- music by artists such as Eminem, Linkin Park, and Britney Spears. The camera zooms in on the table as Snoop Dogg's "Gin and Juice" comes on.
BRADD: I dig this place, brah. They even still ask you if you 'want fries with that'!
CAMERON: I know G, and the waitress is totally hot!
BRADD: Dude, she's young enough to be your granddaughter. Get over it.
CAMERON: Married not buried, dawg!
SETH: Chill, my homies.
BRADD: Check it, I had a three-alarm geezer experience this morning. I pull up to the donut depot in my primered and slammed Civic Si -- turning heads as usual, brah -- and this old dude steps to me and says, "Nice car. I had one just like it years ago." And I'm thinking, oh boy, here we go. So then the blue hair starts telling me about his old metallic fucking beige Camry four door! Like that's even in the ballpark of a Civic Si!
CAMERON: Totally, brah. Like his fuckin' Camry was ever cool back in the day.
MARSHALL: (chuckling) Yeah, I bet it didn't even have a 'shit can' on it! What a loser! (holds his right hand to his forehead in a L-shape)
The three older men laugh at the younger man.
SETH: Actually, we called them 'fart cans' back in the day. A 'shit can' is something completely different, and you wouldn't want one in your car!
The three older men laugh again.
MARSHALL: Oh. Sorry dawg.
SETH: Anyway, that ain't nothin', brah. One of my buds just made this amazing carport find. He was in the transfusion center when he heard one of the clerks talking about some early plastic over at an old apartment building. So my bud cruises around until he finds the place, and under a tarp in a carport is an original red RX7. Still had the factory fuel injection and everything. It hadn't even been converted to Ethanol yet!
MARSHALL: No way, brah!
SETH: Way. So he tracks down the old bat that owns the thing. Turns out she bought it new, drove it for 30 thousand miles and then just parked it, man. Just parked it. Didn't move an inch until my homie came along and snapped it up. But get this: He asks batgirl what she wants for it and she's like, "Well, I paid $28K for it new. You can have it for that."
BRADD: $28K?! You can't even buy dental floss for $28K!
SETH: I know. She didn't have a clue. So my bro snaps it up and turns around and unloads it on eBaywarnerzon for $3.7 gigadollars!
CAMERON: Shit, brah! Where the fuck am I when all the vintage plastic is being handed out like fucking party favors?!
SETH: I know, it hurts like a bee-atch.
At that moment, Justin, a respected old-time tuner in his late 60s, walks into the restaurant.
CAMERON: Jus!
BRADD: Hey, brah!
JUSTIN: Word to your schnizzle dizzle, fellas.
SETH: What up, dawg?
JUSTIN: I just got back from my man Vin Diesel's gravesite, my bruthas. It was a seriously spiritual experience. I felt like he was looking at me and my turbo Mitsu from up there, you know what I mean? He was probably thinking, "Bad ass ride, brah."
BRADD: Totally.
SETH: (quietly) He was a great man. He's still fast & furious, just in a better place now.
CAMERON: Amen.
MARSHALL: Only the good die young, brah.
JUSTIN: It’s the 110% pure truth, dawg. Homeboy knew his cars, too. Not like that gutless fuel cell crap you see kids driving today. They wouldn’t know a killer vintage neon light rope if it bit 'em in the ass!
The men all laugh.
BRADD: Yeah, and they all think NOSS stands for National Ovary Sterilization Service!
CAMERON: Ha! Like reproduction policy has anything to do with kick ass performance gear!
SETH: Be patient with them, brah. We'll need some of these younger guys to 'get it', or there'll be no one to carry the torch when we’re gone...
CAMERON: Word up.
SETH: Well, I've gotta go, dudes. I just scored a new old stock sub woofer cone for the Honda. Fifteen incher, too.
BRADD: Right on, brah. I need to get back to the homestead too. Maybe fire up some Korn’s Greatest Hits and chill.
JUSTIN: Cool, fellas. Same time next week?
As the men say their goodbyes and walk out of the restaurant, the waitress turns to an older lady, the owner of the restaurant.
WAITRESS: Grandma, didn't they have belts back then? And don't they know how ridiculous that looks on a young guy, not to mention a saggy old fart with a pot belly?
OLDER LADY: Jennifer, show some respect! Your grandfather dressed like that back in the day. He looked fly, too. First time I saw him and that hot wing on his Celica I knew I wanted to grab me a piece of that tight--
WAITRESS: Grandma!
[FADE TO BLACK]