If you beat your fish it will die, joke time,definately O/T

[SamIyam]

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM:
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
You sell the herd and retire on the income.
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
You are surprised when the cow drops dead.
A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike because you want three cows.
A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You re-design them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and
produce twenty times the milk.
You then create irritating cow cartoon images called Cowkimon and market
them world-wide at a fantastic profit.
A GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and
milk
themselves.
ENGLISH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Both are mad.
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.
You break for lunch.
A RUSSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
You count them again and learn you have 12 cows.
You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.
A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you.
You charge others for storing them.
A HINDU CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You worship them.
CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the
newsman
who reported the numbers.
A WELSH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
The younger one is rather attractive
AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION Western suburbs style....
You have 2 stolen bulls but think they are cows.
You die the first time you try and milk them

[plan9]

world economics in a nutshell!!

that was funny http://www.jalopyjournal.com/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif http://www.jalopyjournal.com/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif http://www.jalopyjournal.com/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif

[Rooster]

You say you're Welsh? http://www.jalopyjournal.com/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/shocked.gif http://www.jalopyjournal.com/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif

[Junkyard Dog 32]

CANADIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
One is French so it smells like a pig.

MEXICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows
They were given to you by your neighbor so they could be tended by your grateful, yet impoverished farmhands.
This way he can keep his costs down and his profits high.
Your neighbor's bank account grows, but his farm begins to fail.
Eventually all of his cows die from a lack of food and shelter.

JOEhttp://www.jalopyjournal.com/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/cool.gif

[Fat Hack]

The version I always herd:

Cows and Politics

DEMOCRAT: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty
for
being successful. You vote people into office, who put a tax on your
cows, forcing you to sell one to raise money to pay the tax. The people
you
voted for then take the tax money, buy a cow and give it to your
neighbor.
You
feel righteous. Barbara Streisand sings for you.

SOCIALIST: You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to
your
neighbor. You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.

REPUBLICAN: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So?

COMMUNIST: You have two cows. The government seizes both and provides
you
with milk. You wait in line for hours to get it. It is expensive and
sour.

CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. You sell one, buy a
bull,
and build a herd of cows.

DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. The government taxes you
to
the point you have to sell both to support a man in a foreign country
who has only one cow, which was a gift from your government.

BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. The government takes
them
both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for the milk, then pours
the
milk down the drain.

AMERICAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You sell one, lease it back to
yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one. You force the 2 cows to produce
the milk of four cows. You are surprised when one cow drops dead. You
spin
an announcement to the analysts stating you have downsized and are
reducing
expenses. Your stock goes up.

FRENCH CORPORATION: You have two cows. You go on strike because you
want
three cows. You go to lunch. Life is good.

JAPANESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You redesign them so they are
one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the
milk.
They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains. Most are at the
top of
their class at cow school.

GERMAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You reengineer them so they are
all
blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a
hundred miles an hour. Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of
vacation
per year.

ITALIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows but you don't know where they
are.
While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman. You break for lunch.
Life is good.

RUSSIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You count them and learn you
have
five cows. You have some more vodka. You count them again and learn you
have
42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 12 cows. You stop
counting
cows and open another bottle of vodka. You produce your 10th, 5-year
plan in the last 3 months. The Mafia shows up and takes over however
many
cows you really have.

TALIBAN CORPORATION: You have all the cows in Afghanistan, which is
two.
You don't milk them because you cannot touch any creature's private
parts.
At night when no one is looking, you have sex with both of them. Then
you
kill them and claim a US bomb blew them up while they were in the
hospital.

POLISH CORPORATION: You have two bulls. Employees are regularly maimed
and
killed attempting to milk them.

FLORIDA CORPORATION: You have a black cow and a brown cow. Everyone
votes
for the best looking one. Some of the people who like the brown one
best, vote for the black one. Some people vote for both. Some people
vote
for neither. Some people can't figure out how to vote at all. Finally,
a
bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which is the best looking one.

NEW YORK CORPORATION: You have fifteen million cows. You have to choose
which one will be the leader of the herd, so you pick some fat cow from
Arkansas.

[Bruce Lancaster]

HAMB: You have a past-date rump roast you found in the dumpster behind the grocery store, a stack of bones that the guy on E-Bay said were probably from a cow, and an old sofa cushion that looks like it might be real leather. You photoshop them into a traditional lakes modified cow...

[4t64rd]

[ QUOTE ]
HAMB: You have a past-date rump roast you found in the dumpster behind the grocery store, a stack of bones that the guy on E-Bay said were probably from a cow, and an old sofa cushion that looks like it might be real leather. You photoshop them into a traditional lakes modified cow...

[/ QUOTE ]

It has to be real leather, even if it's scuffed up, holey leather, tanned black! No vinyl that looks like leather, or even worse... vinyl that has been made to look like old leather. http://www.jalopyjournal.com/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif http://www.jalopyjournal.com/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif

[DrJ]

A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is Politics?"
Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the head of the family, so call me The President.
Your mother is the administrator of the money, so we call her the Government
We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the People.
The nanny, we'll consider her the Working Class.
And your baby brother, we'll call him the Future.
Now think about that and see if it makes sense."
So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said.
Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him.
He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper.
So the little boy goes to his parent's room and finds his mother sound asleep.
Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room and find his Daddy in bed with the nanny.
He gives up and goes back to bed.
The next morning, with everyone at the breakfast table, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now."
The father says, "Good, son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about."
The little boy replies, "The President is screwing the Working Class while the Government is sound asleep.
The People are being ignored and the Future is in deep shit"