The Giant Gila Monster

Most people don’t know this about me, but weapons are my REAL business. You name it and I know it: guns, bombs, gas, fire, blades, missiles, and everything and anything else… In fact, only a rare few know more about weaponry than I do. I’m an absolute expert on demolition and ballistics and everything else capable of causing damage or death to man, beast, or structure. This is my profession… my bag… my trade… And I’m the best there is.

The layman might suggest some kind of schooling as a foundation for success in my industry, but the layman is an idiot. Personal research is the real game and knowing where to look for the goods is the secret to success on all fronts. See, the knowledge of destruction is hidden in the most awkward of places and one has to be able to see through the bullshit to find the good stuff. The stuff that does the real damage.

Only when a man drinks tequila with ER nurses can he really begin to understand or even cope with the lessons that carnage can teach. After that beastly assignment and only after, a man might be ready for the next leg on the long road trip to perfecting this fine art. One in a thousand or maybe a hundred thousand even make it this far.

Have you got the grit to make it through the next step? Can you stand over one hour and fifteen minutes of horror for just a little bit of knowledge – the little bit that could very well differentiate you between layman and bad mother fucker?

I don’t think you have the courage or the fortitude, but who am I to deny another man his chance to prove me wrong?

Good luck men. You are going to need it.

CLASS IS IN SESSION.